10 Ways to Deal with Telemarketers

1. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home tomorrow during lunch hour.

2. Tell them you work for the same company they work for.

3. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you.

4. If they clean rugs:"Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood - chicken blood too?"

5. Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

6. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Ahmad!! Is this really you? I can't believe it! Ahmad, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Ahmad a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck he could know you

7. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Andy and I'm calling from ...."

8. If the person says he's Praveen from the XYZ Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long as necessary.

9. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died .

10. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"